i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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