i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
