how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize