My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
