Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
