I want to walk on stilts...naked
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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