The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
