i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
