all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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