So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
