Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
