I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize