I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
