2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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