you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
