i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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