Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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