im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
