Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
