you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
