today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
