bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
