you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
