i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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