He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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