Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
