just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
