omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
