Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
