too bad you live with your parents still
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
