phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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