Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
