I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
