How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
