i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
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I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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