I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
