its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
