Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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