he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
