I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize