i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
