dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
