dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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