The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
