he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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