I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
