so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
