dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
