Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
