My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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