Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
