YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
