My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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