I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
