Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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