so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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