i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
