I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
