I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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