There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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