Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
