Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
