I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
