So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
