I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
