my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
