I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
