Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
