if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
