i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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