you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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