I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
