my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize