I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
