3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
