What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who died my cat blue again?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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